Finding Friends

Where Are My People?

Calls unanswered. Sometimes even text goes unread. As we venture into the world of friendships beyond our 30’s and 40’s, it’s a mixed bag of joy and challenge. Life gets busier, and our connections often experience a quiet spell.What’s with the laid-back dynamics of midlife friendships, the reasons for the silence? Is it me or is something going on in their life? How can I be a better friend?

Let’s face it, life after 30 tends to get a bit crazy, with work, kids, family, and personal stuff taking the front seat. It’s no wonder friends might seem a bit elusive, letting messages slide. But does that mean they’ve lost interest or just be a sign of life’s hustle and bustle. The older we get, it would seem to be more independent and more adult friendships seem to be sustainable. 

Taking a chill, biblical perspective, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 gives us the lowdown on life’s seasons – the happy times, the bummer times, planting, and harvesting. Friendships, too, have their seasons. People stroll into our lives for a purpose, and once that purpose is done, things naturally ebb and flow. It’s all part of the journey, but it’s hard to accept especially when you truly enjoy that person’s company. It’s downright sad.

So, what’s the move?

Instead of assuming the worst (I did something, they don’t like me…etc), take a deep breath and stay cool. Even though it’s hard to remember, especially when emotions get in the way, everyone’s juggling a lot. I guess we should all cut your pals some slack before diving into any wild conclusions. If they have moved on, then let’s assume that it’s God’s plan and that he has made room for new opportunities. I feel this in some of my other relationships and as hurtful as those realities are, it’s for the better. Especially if I know that I have done everything I can to reach out and continue the relationship.

If you notice a pattern of unanswered texts and calls, why not have a heart-to-heart? Share your feelings without pointing fingers and ask about their side of the story. It’s a chance to get real and understand where they’re coming from.

Part of this journey that I am praying about in my own friendships is to recognize that friendships change naturally. Having to adjust my own expectations, and appreciate the moments you do catch up, instead of stressing about the times you don’t.

So, does that mean I make new friends? Well now, that’s scary. I know that life’s an adventure, and diverse connections bring exciting perspectives but how? I see posts on social media with these ladies having girls trips and dinner out and it highlights things that I am missing and makes me wonder if they have been friends forever. Do they have a history and if I join a group of friends does that mean I won’t know the little “inside jokes”? (insert flashback from high school here)

Thankfully the ladies at my gym are being intentional about planning a monthly hangout. And in talking to them, they too crave similar things – relationship and friendship. So maybe I am not alone in this journey.

Being intentional is something that I am working on. Looking at my own busy schedule with three kids in college, a busy high schooler, and a full time job and don’t know how I could fit another thing in but deep down there is only fear holding that hour or so a week that I should be allowing for relationship.

I think cracking the code of friendships for us older chicks calls for a blend of patience, understanding, and a relaxed vibe. The biblical nod to life’s seasons reminds us that friendships have their own rhythm. By approaching the silence with compassion, adjusting our expectations, and staying open to new connections, we can ride the waves of evolving friendships in this laid-back chapter of life. Cheers to the friend journey!